0:50: Here comes the Miz to host the show, and judging from the Rock's stint back at WrestleMania 27, I expect this to fall pretty flat. First of all, the Rock is good, and I felt it didn't really add much to the proceedings.
1:51: But here's my boy Fandango out to save us from Mizanin! No impromptu matches, please. Miz is doing his "Really" schtick and decides to no-sell the Fandango run-in, and... okay. On to the video package then!
3:44: Buzzcut-and-beard Bryan is the best Bryan there is. Like Punkverine.
4:40: The matches highlighted in this video package prove that the show truly is a two-match show. That's a waste for at least the World Heavyweight title match, which already has some backstory built in. Lazy booking, WWE.
5:57: We're treating SummerSlam like WrestleMania with this singing of the National Anthem. Good. As we should. While we're at it, can we remember to treat the Royal Rumble and Survivor Series with this same dignity?
7:52: 'MURRICA! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
8:56: We're beginning the show with the Ring of Fire match. Okay, this should be good, we're still following the traditional trend of opening a show with a decent match. And given the competitors in this thing, that is exactly what I expect - at the very least.
10:20: WE'RE HERE.
10:44: Yo. Yo. Yo. I gotta have one of those "Follow the Buzzards" shirts.
12:49: Of course, this match also requires one of those special edition Sin Cara mood lights. Meanwhile, the literal Ring of Fire doesn't seem so intimidating. Least not yet - OH WAIT!
13:38: We've got firemen at ringside and that means we've got special appearances from FIRE EXTINGUISHERS!
14:22: I see we're doing this video game style - every time there's a big slam on the canvas the FIRES GO UP LIKE THE BLAZING FLAMES OF HELL~!
15:18: Do you see how deceptively fast Bray Wyatt is? That dude is stocky but he runs fast at you like a wildebeest.
17:10: WHAT KIND OF FIREMEN ARE YOU? WHY DID YOU BRING A KENDO STICK TO THE RING? HOW IS THAT GOING TO PUT OUT A FIRE?
17:49: Brilliant storytelling; of course they could use the fire extinguishers to put the fire out at ringside, but that doesn't really work as the fires just go back up quickly.
18:30: Kane with two consecutive chokeslams and I think he's going for a third. Or... he's doing the Taker throat slit and- Harper and Rowan have found their way inside the ring! Plus points for not insulting our intelligence at all so far.
20:24: SISTER ABIGAIL for the pin and win! That was quick; we didn't even get 10 minutes on that.
20:50: That wasn't the best spectacle of Bray Wyatt's in-ring potential, I'll admit. I already knew from the two opening segments (Miz's intro and the National Anthem) that this is gonna be one of those big shows that is going to sacrifice match time for all the frills and bells and whistles. The match was slow at the beginning, as is the norm for a "story" match, but a couple more minutes would've been good for it. I'm just glad the entire thing wasn't stupid or insulting, and I also have no problems with Bray needing help against the more physically imposing Kane. I just really wanted more. 2.75 stars.
25:20: Jesus, Shawn, you couldn't be assed to put on a suit, or at least a dress shirt, you hobo?
28:12: Heyman calls an audible on the Punk/Lesnar match by making it No DQ. Weird, though, if they were going in this direction, why not announce it earlier? Then again, no worries - the build-up for that feud was outstanding anyway.
29:06: It's Sandow/Rhodes up next and I have a feeling this match should've gone on first. But I suppose the first two are interchangeable.
29:13: The leather attache MITB briefcase? Boss. Totally boss.
29:41: Sandow calls Cody his sidekick, and Dusty Rhodes Dumb & Dumber. I still see no reason why I should buy Cody as a babyface babyface in this feud. They're still two bickering heels to me.
30:35: ALTAIR SHAVED HIS MUSTACHE! FACE TURN! FACE TURN!
31:45: Cody's fighting angry. Just as he should.
32:17: There need to be more all-out, passionate, angry brawls. This is what's been missing lately. A feel of actual hate. I mean competitive matches are fun to watch, but a lot of the time there's no emotion behind it.
33:22: Nice Cross Rhodes counter. That usually means a new finisher, given enough times the move gets countered; could we see one tonight?
34:15: Sandow with the Edgecator! God damn I miss that move - I was just watching it on YouTube some days ago! I would not be opposed to Sandow making that his submission finisher.
35:02: CODY LANDS THE MUSCLE BUSTER WE FIRST SAW AT MONEY IN THE BANK, BUT ONLY FOR A TWO COUNT! THAT SHOULD BE THE NEW FINISHER! EVEN IF HE NEEDS TO SET IT UP FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
35:58: I love the pace of this match so far, and it's saying quite a bit for Cody as a face. Everyone always wrestles better as a face, and Cody is proving it here as he's forcing Sandow to step up his game a little more.
36:57: DISASTER KICK! If we had more than ten spots in the Best Finishers roundtable article, I'd have included that somewhere in the next ten.
37:45: Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin and win!
38:07: That was another short match - it might have been shorter than the Ring of Fire match - but damn it if I haven't been entertained this much by a Cody Rhodes singles match since his Falls Count Anywhere match with Rey Mysterio back at WrestleMania 27. Yes, that was two years ago.
Meanwhile, I'm not so sure if the result was ideal; what does this do, exactly, for Damien Sandow? Even if there wasn't a Money in the Bank contract storyline to build around, this kind of halts any momentum Sandow has left, especially after the string of losses he's had on TV. A cheap win by Sandow in this match definitely wouldn't have hurt either man, and it would keep the feud going while Rhodes finds his groove as a face.
However, I could understand it a little bit. Rhodes needs to work with a different heel to get him to be a better face, because feuding with Sandow is not doing it for him, as easy as the transition should be. He needs a heel that makes him look like a legitimate face, not another bickering heel. It's just sad that they didn't have the patience to stick with Cody and see if he could develop on his own somewhere around the line. 3.25 stars, because it was a little too short, and I'm not a big fan of the decision. Otherwise, though, it was a step up for Rhodes.
40:19: You know, Christian, I ask myself that every day, too.
40:42: Does this video package mean we're getting this match already? ...Does it mean Christian's gonna win tonight? Either way, I like the fact that we're getting a video package in the first place.
41:17: You guys showed Christian's first title win, which he got against... the guy he's facing tonight. Tell me again - why didn't we play up this history? It was right there!
41:53: Wow, damn, I was right. We haven't even gotten through the first hour yet - and any of the Divas matches - and we're already getting the World Heavyweight title match. I'm not a big fan of this sequencing decision, but I'll deal with it. I need minutes on minutes for this match, though.
43:26: With all the changes they've made to del Rio's character - turning against Ricardo Rodriguez, losing the personal ring announcer, losing the cars - he seems less like a champion; which is sad and ironic, considering he's been wrestling more like a champion recently.
44:51: Just as type that, del Rio instructs Lilian to introduce him in Spanish. Okay. Just don't whack a bucket over her head, man.
45:58: The announcers are playing up the history between del Rio and Edge just now. Just now.
46:28: Del Rio's doing the Rock's little pec dance. How about no, man?
47:48: Del Rio working on that arm with those stiff kicks. I love how far along he's come since debuting.
49:48: Christian's been getting that arm wrecked for the past couple of weeks by del Rio. It should be easier for Mr. Mexico for this match. That said, though, King predicts a Christian win, just tossing it out there; is this foreshadowing?
52:20: Christian is at his best when he's moving around, dodging and countering people's moves. I love it when he does that. It looks so good, and gets him over as one of the most intelligent wrestlers on the roster.
53:05: Beautiful backstabber from the top rope!
53:34: You know how great they've built up Christian's surprise pin finishes over the past couple of weeks? This is how: Christian went for a roll-up and I legitimately thought it could be over with that. That is how you build up any move to become a finisher, no matter how humble it looks. The objective is to make the fans think you can win a match with it.
53:53: God damn, though, Christian should've been put away with that running enzuigiri. I know that would've knocked a molar out my mouth.
54:24: Del Rio misses a flying senton drop and Christian comes in with a beautiful second-rope rolling elbow! That flying rolling elbow, though, somebody should pick that up as a finisher.
55:26: Frankensteiner for a two count! By the way, I need to mention that the crowd is red hot for this match. Thank you, LA. Thank you.
55:57: It seems like all of del Rio's strikes - kicks, punches, dropkicks, enzuigiris - he seems to do all of them with a certain stiffness now. That's how you get over as a mean heel.
56:40: CHRISTIAN KICKS OUT OF A DEL RIO SUPERKICK!
57:02: Yes, you're right, LA, this is awesome!
57:16: CHRISTIAN DUCKS A SUPERKICK TO GET INTO A ROLL-UP FOR TWO! MY HEART!
57:19: SPEAR! SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR! SPEEEEEAR! PIN HIM!
57:28: NO DEL RIO'S GOT THE ARMBREAKER IN! CHRISTIAN'S POWERING OUT AND GETTING TO THE ROPE! DEL RIO FORCES HIM DOWN! CHRISTIAN TRYING TO FIGHT OUT AND... NO! CHRISTIAN TAPS OUT!
58:36: By God, that was the best match of the show so far, but you know it's only going higher than this with two stacked co-main event matches. It's pretty clear now why this came on pretty early, as it was not going to present anything new under the sun, and honestly, I didn't realistically expect a different outcome especially considering how much Christian punked del Rio on TV for weeks leading up to this. It was the match, competitor, and victory del Rio needed to legitimize his reign after a slightly iffy beginning with the whole Payback double-turn. I commend the WWE for both presenting Christian as a legitimate contender to the title, someway, somehow, with the wins and the video packages and the refusal to go down easily, and for sticking with del Rio to give him a meaner streak. I need this feud to go on, though, because the World Heavyweight title picture doesn't have a lot of relevant faces for del Rio to feud with beyond Christian and RVD. 4 stars.
59:40: Del Rio's trying to usurp Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio here, claiming he's representing the Latinos. Is this... a face turn? What's going on here? He doesn't sound like he's trying to be a heel with that, but the crowd is popping for him anyway. Guess we'll see.
1:02:52: Maria Menounos just loves getting in the ring, doesn't she?
1:04:19: Yep. If that doesn't start a feud between Fandango and Miz...
1:05:10: It's time for the first Divas match, and we could've had this before the World title match, you know.
1:06:58: Oh, you know black ref there just wanted an excuse to put his hands on Brie's body.
1:07:49: Say, does Twin Magic still work when one of the Bellas has a little more Twin Magic than the other, if you smell what I'm cooking?
1:08:26: Crowd chanting for JBL and Michael Cole and, well, everyone on the announce team really. Better than being dead silent, I always say.
1:09:47: God bless this Los Angeles crowd. Better to chant for whatever you want than to foster an awkward silence on a match nobody really wants to see. That being said, Natalya's a trooper.
1:10:42: Damn, Brie managed to counter the Sharpshooter? From a girl who's got more mass over her? Damn.
1:11:09: Nobody's going to tap out to a rest hold, Brie, but if it isn't the little submission hold that could.
1:11:30: Wow, this match is surprisingly competitive. Meanwhile, the crowd wants Zack Ryder. Yay for him.
1:11:55: Alabama Slam into a Sharpshooter and there's the submission and the win. I gotta hand it to all the ladies involved - they tried their hardest to make it watchable. Brie also came in with a knee strike, and y'all know how I feel about knee strikes. Even better that the right Diva won. 2.25 stars.
1:14:54: I'm... not sure what Ryback seeks to accomplish in this catering segment. Okay, dude's a bully. And then?
1:16:26: Looks like we're getting Punk/Lesnar smack dab in the middle of the show. Okay, space out your main attractions. Not an illogical move.
1:18:35: I have always liked how Punk never backed down from Brock; that everyone has tried to make him look as equal to Brock as possible. Of course Brock's bigger, but Punk's owning up to every pound of mass in his body.
1:20:08: Adam the Video Guy should ask for a raise every year. He deserves it. Actually, no, make that every PPV.
1:21:59: IIIIIIIT'S CLOBBERING TIIIIIIIIME!
1:24:07: Jesus christ. An ordinary man would give up after taking shoulder thrusts from Brock Lesnar.
1:25:13: From a storyline standpoint, wouldn't it not be in Brock's best interests for Heyman to propose the no-DQ stipulation? Brock's got 50 pounds on Punk, he doesn't need weapons.
1:25:51: HIGH KNEE STRIKES! I may or may not be aroused.
1:26:44: Brock is beet red at this point. Already? A bad tan?
1:27:27: What Punk's doing right here? Doing a lot of dives and flying moves? This is how I would beat Brock in Here Comes the Pain. You couldn't outbrawl or outgrapple him in the game; you had to take it to the air. Amazingly, and maybe unsurprisingly, it's working in real life.
1:28:58: Brock throws Punk over the table WIT DA GREATEST OF EASE~!
1:29:13: To quote good ol' J.R., this entire bout is bowling shoe-ugly. As it should be, as we expected it to be.
1:30:15: You can't outstrike Brock in the game because he'd just come at you with a wild lariat, just like that!
1:31:33: Brilliant tactic in going for Brock's nose, but it's just amazing how Brock could come back with one strike. Just one. That's all he needs.
1:33:02: It's always fun to watch Punk reduce someone using strikes, but it's even more fun to watch Brock throw people around like a rag doll. Damn dat fallaway slam.
1:34:24: Punk's kicked out thrice. #puso
1:35:05: Yo. Yo. YOOOO. Punk just did a Mike Tyson! YOOOOO!
1:35:36: FLYING KNEE TO THE FACE FROM THE TOP ROPE!
1:36:03: ANOTHER KNEE TO THE FACE IN THE CORNER!
1:36:14: A THIRD KNEE!
1:36:40: But Lesnar caught him in a fourth attempt, BUT PUNK HITS A ROUNDHOUSE TO THE HEAD!
1:36:55: MACHO MAN ELBOW - BUT FOR TWO AND ELEVEN-TWELFTHS!
1:37:35: PUNK GOES FOR GTS BUT LESNAR COUNTERS TO GO INTO AN F5 BUT PUNK THROWS ANOTHER ROUNDHOUSE TO THE HEAD!
1:38:02: LESNAR COUNTERS GTS INTO A KIMURA! MY HEART!
1:38:40: PUNK COUNTERS INTO AN ARMBAR, THEN A TRIANGLE CHOKE!
1:39:08: BROCK PICKS HIM UP INTO A POWERBOMB, BUT PUNK'S STILL GOT THE TRIANGLE LOCKED IN!
1:39:45: BROCK PICKS HIM UP AGAIN JESUS CHRIST THESE MEN ARE INSANE! ANOTHER POWERBOMB! BROCK PRETTY MUCH KILLED PUNK! HE'S GOT TO BE DEAD! BROCK MUST HAVE POWERBOMBED THE SOUL OUT OF PUNK'S MORTAL CAGE!
1:40:21: PUNK KICKS OUT AT TWO AND THIRTY-NINE-FORTIETHS!
1:41:05: Brock hits Three Amigos, and the crowd chants for Eddie! Punk kicks out at two and ninety-nine-hundredths!
1:42:24: PUNK TRIES TO AMBUSH BROCK ON THE TOP ROPE FROM BEHIND BUT EATS A STEEL CHAIR BROCK HOLDS UP TO HIS FACE!
1:42:56: PUNK'S WHACKING BROCK WITH THE CHAIR! BUT BROCK BLOCKS AND CATCHES A THIRD WHACK!
1:43:27: PUNK WITH A LOW BLOW RIGHT BEFORE BROCK CAN WHACK HIM WITH THE CHAIR!
1:43:53: Nope, JBL, no-DQ won't ever favor Brock when Punk stands to gain the most with everything allowed!
1:44:33: PUNK CORDIALLY INTRODUCES THE SEAT OF THE STEEL CHAIR TO BROCK LESNAR'S FACE ALL THE WAY FROM THE TOP ROPE, BUT BROCK STILL KICKS OUT AT TWO AND FOUR HUNDRED NINETY-NINE-FIVE HUNDREDTHS! WHAT SORT OF INHUMANITY WILL IT TAKE TO SLAUGHTER THE BEAST?
1:44:55: YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THIS IS AWESOME, LA!
1:45:39: HEYMAN DISTRACTS PUNK, ALLOWING BROCK TO GET PUNK UP ON HIS SHOULDERS, BUT PUNK'S GOT A HOLD ON HEYMAN'S TIE!
1:46:01: GTS! GTS! GTS! BUT HEYMAN BREAKS THE PIN UP! JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THIS COULDN'T GET ANY WILDER!
1:46:19: PUNK'S GOT A CRAZED LOOK IN HIS EYES NOW BECAUSE HEYMAN'S RIGHT THERE FOR THE TAKING!
1:46:41: PUNK CHASES HEYMAN AROUND THE RING ONLY TO END UP ON BROCK'S SHOULDERS! BROCK WITH THE F-5 BUT PUNK COUNTERS INTO A DDT OR FACEBUSTER OF THE SORT! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS IS SPARTA!
1:46:51: BROCK KICKS OUT AT TWO AND NINE HUNDRED NINETY-NINE-THOUSANDTHS!
1:47:02: PUNK HAS THE ANACONDA VICE LOCKED IN! ANACONDA VICE! I PREDICTED THAT THIS IS HOW HE MIGHT WIN!
1:47:32: HEYMAN COMES IN WITH A STEEL CHAIR BUT PUNK BLOCKS IT! PUNK'S GOT HIS HANDS ON HEYMAN! SWEET, SWEET RETRIBUTION, YOUR NAME IS A RIGHT HAND TO THE JAW AND AN ANACONDA VICE!
1:48:10: AND BROCK BREAKS THAT LITTLE SHINDIG UP WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED STEEL CHAIR! AND WHACKING HIM WITH IT! THIS HAS GOT TO BE OVER!
1:48:56: BROCK HITS THE F-5 RIGHT ON THE CHAIR! OH GOD, THIS MIGHT BE IT FOR PUNK! BROCK WINS!
1:49:56: Holy fuckknuckles. There are no words left. There just... there just aren't any words left. Brock won, and that both makes and doesn't make sense - it makes sense how he won, it just doesn't make sense, in a big-picture sort of way, why he won. I understand that Heyman won the battle by successfully managing to manipulate Punk's hatred of him long enough to allow Brock to capitalize. I suppose, then, this means Punk vs. Brock, and not just Punk vs. Heyman, isn't over yet.
Here's the problem, though: that was a great match, and that's going to be hard to top unless Punk and Brock finally get around to killing each other in a Hell in a Cell match or something. But you can't just do that match in any of the next few non-Big Four PPVs. It might be sensible to follow it up at Survivor Series, but a rivalry of this magnitude, manifest in that awesome match we just saw? That deserves to be on WrestleMania. That is, if Brock's not facing the Undertaker. The result - the resilient underdog losing to the Goliath thanks to a distraction - leaves an open question that must be resolved. You know people want to see Punk get his comeuppance over Brock. I suppose that means Brock's not going away any time soon, then, but now we need this feud to be drawn out, and thanks to the nature of Heyman's character as a manager, that might not be so hard.
Oh, and as for the match? 4.75 stars. I'm telling you now, though, it would have been 5 stars had Punk won. If you're just reading this Diary without having seen the show yet, you need to go watch this match, if my flailing above hasn't convinced you yet.
1:50:37: Jesus, that match was emotionally exhausting. I'll need to take a break before we get on with the last two matches and finish the rest of the show.
1:52:33: All right, I'm back. Time to finish the last hour. Let's go.
1:53:39: That was a nice, short video package for Night of Champions. I have some thoughts about the show itself, though, but that's something for another time.
1:54:41: Honestly? I would take that Doritos challenge. I'd take a Mizark splash for SummerSlam tickets, I don't care what you say.
1:55:38: I wonder if Mizark actually did give him a legit splash? I mean, probably not, knowing how professional the guy is, but that's still a 400-pound dude going down on you. I mean, splashing you. Not going down on you.
1:56:50: Time for the Intergender Tag Match. AJ and Kaitlyn are looking fine tonight.
1:57:07: Big E's theme song is going in this year's "Good" category of the annual Best New Entrance Song of the Year awards. Watch for it. It's coming exclusively here on Geek Out. *cheap pop!*
1:59:19: As an aside, I'd like to note how this is okay booking for both feuds. AJ vs. Kaitlyn would be going for three straight PPVs if it were another title match, while Dolph vs. Big E is probably not going to light things up in the ring either. This is convenient.
2:01:40: Why does the camera keep shifting to the Doritos challenge winner? Is he going to run in and turn against Kaitlyn too?
2:02:37: Ten elbow drops seem to be a good routine. I think I'll try that next time I'm doing some cardio.
2:03:35: If you asked me a year ago what I thought of Big E Langston, I would've told you he wasn't ready to be bumped up to the main roster. Fast forward to now, though, and I can at least tell you he seems to be a little more sure of himself and definitely not awkward in the ring.
2:04:28: Dolph gets out of the Big Ending and hits Zig Zag for the pin and win after Kaitlyn hits a huge spear on the outside!
2:04:36: This match is what it is, and that is filler. Dolph and Big E work well together when they're turning the pace up. The weakest point of the match, however, was when AJ was controlling Kaitlyn. AJ doesn't look her best when she's got a much bigger opponent in a resthold; and she's not exactly the biggest woman in the division. She's better moving around. 2.5 stars.
2:06:19: Fandango interrupts the Miz for a third time, prompting Mizanin to finally sock him. I mean... he's my boy, but I probably would've done the same thing too. Can we get these two to work together now?
2:07:20: Didn't Triple H tell his buddy Shawn that being on the panel is a bit of a black-tie affair? Shawn was lucky the security at Staples Center let his hobo ass in the building.
2:09:46: Here we go. It's time for the main event. I will be either really happy or really excited. I'm not so sure if there's a gray area for this one - but there was one for Punk/Lesnar, so we'll see.
2:12:25: Hunter's using his (very) old "King of Kings" theme, being the special referee for this match. I haven't heard that in a long time.
2:16:34: That is an entire arena of people doing the YES! gesture. Daniel Bryan is the future, regardless of what happens tonight.
2:17:21: Triple H seems to be a better referee than even the most tenured referee in the company. Nah, Chioda, I'm just kidding, you're great.
2:18:13: By jove, ladies and gentlemen... they're actually wrestling!
2:18:28: Wait, even the announcers are drawing the line between wrestler and sports entertainer. I mean, I get that CM Punk started this bandwagon with his pipebomb a couple of years ago, but this is still a silly plot point to work from.
2:19:18: Cena is doing Bryan's moves. Think about that for a second. I only really see Bryan do these things in the indies and in long, big-time matches, and Cena is the one doing them.
2:21:43: That's the first time I've seen someone power out of a standing surfboard. Of course it had to be Cena.
2:22:24: Oh, come on, LA, you've been a great crowd all night. Don't stoop down that low and tell Cena he can't wrestle. Unless, of course, you were all just being ironic intentionally.
2:23:07: LOL @ the one guy trying to start a "holy shit" chant after a suplex from the steel steps to the floor at ringside. Now LA thinks this is the Hammerstein Ballroom and that they can tell Cena he still sucks.
2:24:30: Cena with a straight up powerbomb right there - probably did it just because he can - and Bryan kicks out at two.
2:25:31: Bryan's taking over now and setting his own house on fire!
2:26:34: I love it when the crowd audibly winds up for Bryan's big roundhouse.
2:26:56: LOL @ Bryan kicking Cena in the head as he's setting up for the Five-Knuckle Shuffle. But that ain't enough to stop him, though.
2:27:37: Cena with the AA attempt but Dazzle lands on his feet! Gets up on the top rope and hits the flying front dropkick for two!
2:28:14: Dueling Cena and Bryan chants. Thank you for finally speaking up, Cena fans.
2:28:30: From here, it looks like Cena's a bit busted open somewhere around his left eye. Damn.
2:28:53: Or not. Bryan's kicking him into next Sunday. Bryan with the upper hand here.
2:30:00: Bryan counters the STF into the Yes! Lock- no, it was an STF of his own! Cena powers out and Bryan hits a German suplex for two! Another German suplex for two! Bryan trying to go for the Benoit trifecta but Cena powers out, gets him up on his shoulder, but Bryan counters that into the Yes! Lock! He's got it locked in!
2:31:58: Cena powers out of the Yes! Lock but Bryan catches him in a guillotine choke now! Bryan just won't let go!
2:32:48: Cena gets to his feet and rams Dazzle back-first into the corner, but he still won't let go! He finally manages to get him off after a while, and the champ is gassed!
2:33:27: CENA WITH THE FIRST CLEAN AA OF THE NIGHT AND B-DAZZLE KICKS OUT AT TWO AND A HALF!
2:34:23: Cena going up top but Bryan gets up on his feet and sabotages him! Dazzle's got Cena gassed on the top rope, and is- SUPERPLEX! AND BRYAN IS STILL HANGING AT THE TREE OF WOE AND HULKS UP, AND IS GOING TO THE TOP ROPE! DIVING HEADBUTT! SHADES OF VOLDEMORT! CENA KICKS OUT AT TWO AND TWO-THIRDS AND ROLLS OUT OF THE RING!
2:36:01: Bryan tries to go for the Flying Goat Dive to the outside, but Cena blocks it! Cena going back up to the top rope and HITS THE DIVING FAMEASSER! BUT FOR TWO! ONLY FOR TWO!
2:37:19: Cena's got himself and Bryan up on the top rope, looking for a Super-AA, but Bryan gets out of it and is hammering Cena with elbows! Goes for a frankensteiner but Cena counters, gets them both down and locks in the STF! Crank it back, John, make it look real!
2:38:25: Cena rolls over into a rear naked position and our boy is fading!
2:39:00: Bryan summons his strength and reverses the STF into the YES! Lock!
2:39:54: Triple H's asking for the ringside doctor for Cena's swollen elbow but Cena says he's okay. Bryan hits his corner dropkicks, but Cena meets him in the middle with a huge clothesline before he can hit the third!
2:41:18: These two trading shots now and collide with each other in the middle of the ring!
2:42:12: Both men try to get back to their feet by leaning on each other for support. Cena slaps Bryan, daring him to do the same, and he does, and now it's a Japanese slapfest!
2:42:48: Cena catches Bryan off the backflip - well-scouted - and tries to hoist him up for an AA, but Bryan counters with a DDT!
2:43:44: Dazzle goes for a crossbody off the top rope but Cena catches him, tries to go for the AA but is countered into a roll-up for two! Bryan hits the huge roundhouse on the side of Cena's head! Rallying the support now!
2:44:20: BRYAN WITH A HUGE RUNNING KNEE TO THE FACE FOR THREE! KNEE TO THE FACE FOR THREE! DANIEL BRYAN IS THE WWE CHAMPION! AFTER A RUNNING KNEE! I CAN'T BE ANY HAPPIER! OH MY GOD!
2:45:51: Cena's being a good sport here and is shaking Bryan's hand. Good guy John, indeed. Triple H consoling Cena, and is now off to congratulate Bryan.
2:46:58: Our boy is having his moment in the spotlight, with all the confetti raining down, and it seems like we are ending this show the right way!
2:47:50: And here it comes! RANDY ORTON IS COMING DOWN TO CASH IN, IT SEEMS!
2:48:40: Nope, nope! Orton just wanted to remind him!
2:49:12: NO, TRIPLE H IN WITH THE PEDIGREE! ORTON IS CASHING IN! ORTON JUST CASHED IN! RANDY ORTON IS THE CHAMPION! HEEL TURN!
2:51:01: Okay, first things first. I want to give the title match 5 stars for the finish and result alone, but it objectively was not as exciting as Punk/Lesnar, so I have to put it at a generous 4.75 stars. The match itself was great.
Now, let's talk briefly about the aftermath. In general, was Orton walking out of Staples Center as the WWE champ surprising? Nope, not at all. I figured there was a good chance of it happening regardless of who won the title match, but I never figured it to happen this way.
This is the second time Orton's cut a beloved underdog's World title reign short, and I've got some optimism that the WWE has learned its lesson from the Orton/Christian fiasco of two years ago. Here's why: 1) Bryan is only on his way up when Christian was being given an appreciative run for his years of service. 2) Authority figures are involved here - the McMahon dynasty. The Powers That Be will not directly interfere in a Superstar's career progress if they didn't believe in his potential, and trust me, after everything we've seen the past month, they believe in him. The power of Daniel Bryan is way too difficult - and very, very much foolhardy - to ignore.
Overall, I would give the show a grade of A-, bordering on B+, depending on your mood. The company knew they had three good matches on their hands, and very wisely booked as much as possible around them. That being said, though, I wouldn't re-watch this show in its entirety; I'd watch the three main events (the two title matches and Punk/Lesnar - that especially) and the kickoff match (which I hadn't seen yet, but kickoff matches are usually good because they have all the time in the world). It was a good SummerSlam. The positives definitely outweighed the negatives.
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