3 Evil (video game) Corporations I Would Invest In

Article written by:
Nikki Paqueo
Author: Nikki Paqueo


There are a bunch of hulking, evil companies that, if they were not evil, I would totally invest in in real life. Here is a rundown of my 3 corporations:

Abstergo Industries, specifically Abstergo Entertainment

Tech Company

So, I come from a long line of assassins (right) and was sworn into the brotherhood about 5 times (including 2 DLCs). But, what Abstergo is doing in terms of expansion and their new product line is absolutely cool. Would totally buy around 50,000 shares.

The Animus is a machine that lets you relive past events as another human who endured that time. Previously, it has been used for research and training but a newer model called the Animus Omega is being released for commercial distribution. It’s the future of entertainment, the next next next next next gen console. And it could be ported into absolutely any theme: education, leisure, world domination. It’s pretty cool too how, when you think about it, The Animus is actually the AC series, we’re the Desmonds reliving the past, and Abstergo could well be Ubisoft which in conclusion means they are Templars. That’s it, I’m going to have my banana now.

Aperture Sciences

Scientific Reasearch

What most people don’t know is that Aperture started as a shower curtain manufacturer, and God knows what they did to evolve into a scientific research firm. On the basis of that mind-boggling evolution alone, I would totally invest 40,000 shares.

The main Aperture product we all know and love is of course, the Portal Gun. The many uses of the Portal Gun makes it a very viable product to back. Think of the boost it could give to the bungee jump industry, or sky-diving for that matter. Upon further rumination, Portal Guns would have to sell packaged with Conversion Gels. And before you can make portals, you have to paint sh*t first. Maybe a downloadable update can fix this bug.

Another area of concern is Aperture’s A.I. department. The part where GLaDOS became sentient and hostile and killed dozens didn’t make very good press. So that would hurt my decision a little. I would dial it down to 30,800 shares.



Military Contractor

My Vault-Tec decision comes with a big caveat. Vault-Tec intentionally put out defective products. The vaults were radiated and ridden with radroaches (eww). I would invest in a better version of the vaults. But they weren’t antagonists in the game for nothing. 

Vaults are the next big thing. They are the real estate of the post-apocalyptic future. Investing in Vault-Tec means investing in entire cities; in a system that connects industries together. It could also be a possible gateway to cornering utilities and spawning hundreds of “companion” products (vault system GPS, furniture etc.)

Even today doomsday shelters are becoming a thing. In the future, when we finally succumb into some man-made global catastrophe, people would be clammoring for the protection of a well-made network of vaults. And by then my 80,000 shares would mean millions, even billions! But then, I would also be dead.


Visit me at Plasma Jane


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