Christian won a Battle Royal for a shot at the United States OR Intercontinental Championship
The WWE decided to do something different for this show by doing a cold open to this particular battle royal that started on the pre-show. It gave the other Superstars something to do for something quite meaningful, but a battle royal is usually a visually beholding feat, and I wouldn’t have minded if the show started properly before this match did. In fact, I wouldn’t have minded if we got an online announcement for this match, at the very least. (That’ll be a recurring theme for tonight.)
It was your typical battle royal fare, with a handful of nice sequences involving Christian, the Miz and Alex Riley (which was a great touch given their history), and Tyson Kidd, who thankfully lasted in the final four. As usual, it gets better as the competitors get fewer, but there wasn’t that much to go on as it obviously was intended to set things up for later in the evening.
Rating: 2.75/5
Kofi Kingston & R-Truth defeated Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger (with Vickie Guerrero) to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship
When in doubt, put the tag titles on Kofi Kingston and some other guy – that seems to be the new company policy. Since it’s a little tougher to buy R-Truth as Evan Bourne’s replacement (the former used to be more popular, but has since been watered down and no longer as over, plus was never as good as the latter) I wanted them to drop the titles to Ziggler and Swagger, two guys who need some sort of validation more than the champs do.
As for the match itself, it served its purpose as a solid opener. The pairing of Kofi and Truth is just not as popular as Air Boom; even though R-Truth comes close to Bourne’s energy level, he’s just not as exciting and sound in the ring. Ziggler and Swagger held up their end of the match just fine, but overall I can’t help but feel that there was something, some factor that was missing. A predictable title defense doesn’t really help things, either.
Rating: 3.25/5
Layla defeated Beth Phoenix to retain the WWE Divas Championship
I’ve always maintained that Layla got injured at a most unfortunate time last year. She had just made it out of Michelle McCool’s shadow before tearing both her ACL and MCL, and it was a shame: she was already in the top 5 wrestlers in the Divas division. That means she was one of the five best women wrestling in the WWE (and still is) and Kharma arriving then didn’t change that. The injury didn’t change that as well, as her surprise return at Extreme Rules proves that she’s still in my Diva Fave Five, not having lost much of a step.
But of course, the match with the Bellas last month wasn’t really a match; it was just to set up the Bellas’ departure from the company. This match, against one of the greatest Women’s Champions in the history of the WWE in Beth Phoenix, would be the real test for Layla, and she held up. The knee might still be affecting her and at times it’s apparent, but she put together a better match than Kelly Kelly could. It’s not the best match we’ve seen, but it’s the best match we’ve seen since Beth vs. Tamina at Elimination Chamber, and I still think Layla is better than people might be willing to give her credit for.
Rating: 2.75/5
Sheamus defeated Alberto del Rio, Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton in a Fatal Four-Way Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
My main problem with this match is that it was placed so low in the card. I’ll get to it in detail when I wrap this up, but just know that there are only five advertised matches in the card, and this is the third one. There will also be three impromptu matches after this one and at least one of them is solid, so there is no reason to have a World title match so early.
As for the match itself, it follows the typical multi-man match formula; chaos in the beginning with all people involved, then they get paired off in the middle before involving everyone one at a time in the finish. This one was no different, and the paired-off parts were too extended to the point that if you didn’t know better, you’d think it was a typical one-on-one match. Everyone did get involved enough, but I wanted to see more chaos rule. It was a fun watch, but there wasn’t much meat to sink your teeth into – and that’s a shameful thing, lobster head, because all four men are quite capable in the ring. Alberto del Rio taking the fall was the right move, though.
Rating: 3.25/5
Brodus Clay defeated the Miz
In our second impromptu match of the evening, Miz busts out some white-boy Michael Jackson (who is technically… white, but not like that) as he challenges the Funkasaurus himself to a dance-off and an eventual match.
There’s not that much to go on as Brodus and Miz did their absolute best to make a 4- or 5-minute match count, and they packed enough action to last every minute. There’s not much digression from the formula as Brodus Clay steamrolls through somebody new again, and the fact that this was another match that could have been advertised beforehand in even the smallest announcement hurts it. Good effort, but forgettable in the end.
Rating: 2.5/5
Christian defeated Cody Rhodes to win the WWE Intercontinental Championship
After the battle royal, Christian actually motioned to Santino first, indicating that he was to go after the United States Championship in this spot. However, just before this, Christian caught Cody mocking him backstage, and decided to change his mind. What this did was turn Christian back into a face, which is somewhat reasonable since he’s got the ever-present nostalgia pop going for him and the fact that his “One More Match” campaign has always had traction with the audience, despite being a heel.
As for the match itself, while Christian always wrestles a good match and Cody is no slouch in the ring himself, there’s not much to remember other than the moment Christian scored the fall. It wasn’t that long either, and it’s just hard to tell a top-notch story this match deserved with the minimum of build-up and rushed minutes. A TV main event usually makes for a good undercard match, and it was good, but after what we’ve already seen to this point on the show so far, it needs a little bit more to stand out.
Rating: 3/5
CM Punk defeated Daniel Bryan to retain the WWE Championship
This is the match that literally sold the show, build-up or not. Good news: the WWE acknowledges the fact that Punk and Bryan have been involved with each other for 10 years. Bad news: the most airtime their history got was a spiffy article on WWE.com, and their actual TV build-up involved some shenanigans with Kane and Lord Tensai. Before this match, Punk cut a quick promo in an interview that should have been given a promo spot on RAW or SmackDown.
But never mind that for now, this match – an entry-level affair into the huge potential of Punk and Bryan together, against each other – was hella fun. Punk and Bryan are the only guys in the WWE main event right now who can provide the best human chess matches, and this met all the expectations, even exceeding them by conveniently providing a reason for these two to clash again. The match ended with Punk scoring the pinfall by rolling and keeping Bryan’s shoulders down as the latter was applying the Yes! Lock in the middle of the ring; Punk promptly tapped after the referee counted the fall, causing Bryan to think that he won. That simple move proved how much of a mental game Punk vs. Bryan always is, as much as it is a physical match.
These two could do better, especially as there is still a lot of room for the heat and the emotion to amp up; don’t worry, it can only go up as the feud progresses. These two are already off to a fine start, though, but did you ever have any doubt?
Rating: 4.25/5
Ryback defeated Camacho (with Hunico)
A squash match to keep the pace, but this really wasn’t necessary in this spot given the nature of the following match. Ryback is as impressive as ever, but it’s time to move him into something more meaningful. At least Hunico wasn’t the victim.
Rating: N/A
John Laurinaitis defeated John Cena
Everybody saw this coming right after Big Show finished grovelling on his knees for his job back (unsuccessfully). I’m fine with the result as it’s too soon for Big Johnny to be relieved of his duties, but I’m just sad that this had to go on last after Punk/Bryan.
I get that John Cena is the All-Father and must go on last at every show, but can we at least agree to this rule holding if he’s actually going to have a decent match? His main events with Kane earlier this year were forgivable because they were actually competitive matches. This, while fun, was barely a real match until Big Show ran in to end things. There were a couple of fun spots, including a spot where Cena and a battered Ace take over for commentary for a moment, and the return of the FIRE EXTINGUISHER~ for the second straight PPV!
But a match like this didn’t need card pacing by way of the Ryback squash. It also definitely didn’t deserve going last, even though we all know why it did. As far as most people were really concerned, the show ended after Punk won. For all intents and purposes, it really should have.
Rating: 2.5/5
What, you say? Only one four-star match? That’s what happens when you don’t build up half of the matches you run at all. What really hurt this show was not that, though, but the card sequence. Extreme Rules was a perfectly-sequenced card, while this was just the complete opposite. Wrestlemania was the last show with a poor sequence, but that was only because of the Sheamus squash, plus most matches delivered anyway.
If I were in charge, I would sequence this card like so:
- Battle Royal
- Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger
- Ryback vs. Camacho
- Layla vs. Beth Phoenix
- Brodus Clay vs. the Miz
- Christian vs. Cody Rhodes
- Sheamus vs. Alberto del Rio vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton
- John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis
- CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
People might argue that John Cena, as the company’s biggest star, should always go on last, but knowing what I know now – that the crowd only really came alive for Punk vs. Bryan – I’m fine with putting it on last. Also knowing that Cena/Laurinaitis was a bit of a relaxed affair overall, I would use it as the breather match between the two big title matches. Besides, there is precedent for a Punk match going after a Cena match, when Punk/Ziggler went after Cena/Kane in this year’s Royal Rumble event.
I might be too smarky in basing my opinion on something casual fans might not even notice, especially considering that I managed to mark out during Extreme Rules, but the thing is Extreme Rules was booked to near perfection. This show was just not.
So should you watch this show? To be honest with you, I wouldn’t even recommend a download. I wouldn’t even advise you to sit through it on Studio 23; if you must, just wait for Punk/Bryan to come on – just switch to the channel late in the second hour. It’s so forgettable, you wouldn’t really miss much. Trust me.
Rating: C+